..about losing someone you love

minggu lepas tak balik rumah..

sob..sob..sob..

T__T

baru ja seminggu tak balik rumah dah rasa macam setahun.

macam mana la nak p jauh-jauh nanti..hmm..

angan-angan konon nak posting jauh2 sket.

baru ada pengalaman hidup en?..

akeke

tapi rasanya saya tak mampu lah untuk hidup jauh dari family.

saya tak pernah hidup jauh dari keluarga.

sekolah setakat ni cuma pulau pinang dan kedah sahaja.

tak pernah keluar dari both negeri ini.

damn! really miss my mom!!

and my bro also la kan..

and also, dearly, my dad..

that one person yang even how much I wanted to see him, I wouldn't be able to..

::my bloved abang!::the only person yang saya boleh gaduh tahap gila and then baik balik like nothing actually happened::

::my mommy!!::saya sayang insan ini sepenuh hati saya. Saya sanggup buat apa saja untuk dia. seorang yang sangat tabah dalam harungi hidup ni, raising two children on her own after my father's death. kami tak pernah rasa kekurangan kasih sayang or anything. I LOVE YOU MOM!::

::my dad!::orang yang sangat saya rindu. If there's anything that I could do to just spend a little more time with him, then I would. Miss him so much and I can't say it with words::

the moment my father died, I felt nothing. maybe because I'm still young (12 y.o) or maybe I'm too shocked.

have any of you guys imagine how it feels like to lose someone you really love? 

Someone that have always been there for you and loosing him/her feels like losing half of yourself?

frankly, I think I lost my entire self.

I become a totally different person since then.

I don't talk much. I kept my feelings. I became..numb.

It's like nothing really matters anymore.

I miss my dad. but I don't know how to tell or how to show it to anyone.

Not even my mom.

I didn't cry the day my dad died or when he was buried.

I cried after that. and ever since.

Whenever I think of him, I felt a sense of regret.

I didn't get the chance to properly say "I'm sorry" for everything wrong I did.

If only I could turn back time, but I can't.

Really miss the good old-days..

So right now, all I can do is

amend everything I haven't got the chance to do or say to my father 

by making it up with my mom and my brother.

They are everything I had left.

I pray that God give me more time to spend with both of them

so that I won't be regretting things anymore.